Monday, October 23, 2006

Vivas Drunk

University of Michigan

Friday, October 13, 2006

New Site's Up

E-mail me at and I'll decide if you're worthy of the link.

Friday, October 06, 2006

Sorority Date Party, pt. I

Since I haven't had much time at all lately to post anything... I've adjusted my schedule so I'd have a solid hour, three times a week, to write. It's called my Stats class. Since I've spent the last two lectures in this class either looking at porn or IMing people, I figured writing would be a better way to spend the time. Let's hope I don't fall too far behind in learning how to draw graphs.

Last night I was invited to a sorority date party. The older girls in the sorority basically set up the younger girls with guys, and I was one of four pledges from my fraternity (more on that in later posts) to get an invite. The older girls had some pledges knock on the doors of all the guys who were invited, and forced them to serenade us loudly. The lyrics were beautiful (to the tune of "I'm a Little Teapot"): "I'm a little [name of sorority], I put out, Here is my hand and here is my mouth..." The lyrics just got dirtier and dirtier. The party was a "tie-party" or something like that, so I had to give the girls a tie, and then at the party my date would be wearing my tie.

I went over to my fraternity house around 8:30 last night to pregame. Most of the guys had no idea who their dates would be, so they were all preparing for the worst with as much alcohol as possible. At around 9 some other pledges drove us over to the sorority house where there were coach buses waiting to take all the guys (about 20 from my fraternity, and then a bunch from other fraternities, about 80 guys total) to the club in Detroit. As I boarded the Sausage Mobile, it was packed. Not a seat available. My three pledge buddies and I went over to other buses, all of them packed as well. The announcement was then made that all freshmen pledges would be enjoying the 45 minute bus ride on the already liquor stained aisles...

Friday, September 15, 2006

Letter From the Interfraternity Council

I just received an e-mail from the Interfraternity Council here at Michigan regarding the rush events of the past few days and the bid day coming up. The subject of the e-mail is "IMPORTANT- Rush Tips"

Let's check out tip number three:

-Make your own assessments. Ignore whatever you hear about "that frat is the nerd frat" or "those guys are all assholes". You wouldn't make racial judgements based on stereotypes, so don't make them with fraternities either. Remember that girls are known for claiming that "those guys are creepy" with no reason or evidence to say such an insulting comment.

Don't you love the technique of stereotyping girls in order to debunk girls' stereotypes? Also, every stereotype I've heard about frats has turned out to be true. The "shady" frat has awkward guys and a run-down house. The "nerdy" frat only accepts engineering students. And the "jock" frat gets all the hot girls.

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

I Hate Spanish

Michigan requires that all students take four semesters of a foreign language. Somehow I tested out of three of those four semesters at orientation after not having taken Spanish since my junior year of high school.

My Spanish teacher gave a pop quiz today in class. The last question of the test:

Penélope Cruz es…

a) un actor famoso

b) una cantante de opera

c) a y b son incorrectas

If you're not retarded, you can probably figure out that the question is asking who Penelope Cruz is: a famous actor, an opera singer, or neither. So obviously, the correct answer is "a" right?

No. My Ricky Martin wannabe teacher marks the whole class wrong because Penelope Cruz is, in fact, a female, and the correct answer would have been "una actriz famosa."

I hate douchebag teachers.

Sunday, September 10, 2006

You Should Probably Log Off

The guys in my hall have a tendency to not log out of Facebook when they're done using it on their computers. Sure this is pretty normal, but when you live in a community in which people go and visit each other as they please, havoc can be wreaked.

For instance, ENK went on a laundry run about a half hour ago. So "Korea" (ENK's roommate, he's not Asian), the two kids from across the hall, and I gave ENK's Facebook a complete once over.



Yes we're in college. No, we are not mature.

Thursday, September 07, 2006

First Week of Class and What Not

My first week of class has been pretty hectic so far. I'm so used to college being partying every night and playing video games all day that flipping on the academia switch has been quite the challenge. My first week of classes has gone a lot like this:

1. Go to class.
2. Decide class is too boring/requires too much work/is too early in the morning.
3. Switch out of class.

I've probably been through about 12 classes since I've been here, and have ended up with only one of the classes that I had since orientation (Spanish, only since it's required). I've even dropped out of the Honors program (I don't know how I got in in the first place. There was a required essay, but I sent the following e-mail to the program when I got invited to apply: "I choose to waive the essay"). Now that the dust has settled, I'm pretty happy with my schedule. Only once do I have a class earlier than 11am all semester.

Today in one of my classes, the instructor posed a question about the sects in religions, and almost immediately an obese Asian girl raised her hand, ranting about how in no religion is such a thing appropriate. It was only until a good two minutes into her rant that people realized that she misunderstood the word "sects" as "sex."

The guy that lives across the hall from me is from Bombay, India. He's in the engineering program, and will probably be the head customer service rep for Dell in five years. Today he lent me his external hard drive so I could copy some stuff on to my computer. He told me that he had a few good movies. "A few good movies" turned into "every movie ever made." He even had movies that don't come out until 2007.

I accidentally stumbled across his porno collection on the hard drive. I must say, he has some eclectic taste. Everything from "A Night in China" to "Gothic Slut Forced Gangbang." I've never seen somebody more awkward than he was after I realized he was watching what I was browsing through over my shoulder.